remembering who I am

It is the last day of October. An hour and a half is left before the new month rings in. I have written no new posts this month until now. My goal is now 5 posts a month and I am learning one day at a time. I am learning about it too. Who am I? I am a daughter of God. When will I engrain this in my eart and mind so each day I can live by it? I am so tired of who i have let myself become. I feel I don't know me anymore. Let me reminsce on some words of a popular song:

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Now most people reading this would think, "She is 'singing' this to someone........someone she knows......well, yea..... in fact, i am saying it to myself. so now that you know that go back and read the song's lyrics again. This is something I want to take to heart. I want to live by these words. I want to show myself that I am the reason for all that I do, that I am the one who motivates me. That i love myself enough to do good.....and to do the right things. I am always searching somewhere outside of myself for ways to "fix" me. I need to turn inward for this, but in order to do this i need outside help to teach me how. But it still all depends on me and my input into the whole situation. Somedays I geel alll alone but part of it has to do with the truth in this-- No one will fully love you until you learn to fully love yourself. Or something to that affect. It seems every three or six months I look back and see how dumb I was and wonder why I didn't see it then. Help me lord to see my mistakes sooner and to be more open and aware of truths around me. Open my heart to what others have to share. let patience abide and peace grow within, amen.