Lessons of Letting Go

How did I get here? how did my self esteem get so low? I thought today was different but it turned out to be like any other if not worse.....

wow, that is what I wrote last night. Sometimes I can be so dramatic. I mean, that really is how I felt last night and sorta today, but I make my life the horror that it is by my dramaticness. ok, maybe not a horror, but by making a big deal of things I only encourage the negative things in my life to grow. When will I learn to take control of my life?

Yesterday I had a glimpse of control. After Teresa dropped me off in larchmont for yoga, two gentlemen walked by me and gave me huge smiles and said hi. it was hi like....they knew me or something. or a hi like they wanted to get to know me. I'm not sure how to explain it. I was in a good mood but in a rush. I gave them a big grin and quickly walked to yoga a few doors down. after walking ten feet it hit me; the whole way they said hi suddenly hit me. I turned around to look at them and one was looking at me, he turned away and then the other looked at me. Then I turned away because I started to wonder if they were just flirting. That was great but I was not really up for flirting at the moment...I had to get to class. Sounds lame I know. But then as I got into class i felt such a light inside me. Did I just pass up an important moment? Did I just miss meeting a special person who could change my life or me his? I know this all sounds ridicuolous and I don't mean he could have been the guy I could have married. Basically, if it had been a girl I would have felt the same way. It was just a feeling of a passing up a great moment. This feeling of light was overwhelming.....so much so that I became a little sad for missing out because it felt like the light would leave. I mean, I will be honest, I hoep to meet a great guy out here, that would be wonderful, but I really would have no time for him. but why did I feel that rush of emotion like something great could happen? IS IT cuz i have sunk so low?

But thanks to yoga I realized I needed to soak up the light and then left the moment go. I was messing up my moment in yoga. Never let the missed past moments screw up the present great moments. I acccepted the light, "let go" of those guys and prayed to the Lord. I asked him to give me strength and if it was important for me to meet these guys then could he bring them back into my life again.

To add to that lesson of letting go....that same class session as we were laying down from after a pyramid pose, most of the people laid down the opposite way we normally do. Our heads were all toward the instuctor instead of our feet so it was almost like our backs were to her. One lady couldn't seem to handle it. She hesitated for quite a bit, looked around wondering whether to conform or to stick with her ways. Being the wonderful teacher that she is, Susan Swan walked over to her and told her to lay however she wanted and that it is ok that we layed the "wrong" way. Her words: "It's just like world. Funny how that works." We all do our own things. The world does not conform in whole. Everyone decides whether to go there way each time or to go with the majority, OR whehter to do what is right whether it is our way or the majority's.

So what am I supposed to learn here, or to get right down to it......What am I supposed to be letting go? of food? lol. Ok that was and wasn't funny. Hence the next post.....